One Year

Today is Dec 1, 2011, which to most simply signifies the beginning of the countdown to Christmas and New Years and of course… Passion 2012!!!  But to this girl, this day signifies so much more.

Aside from the fact that I don’t know how to change this site to NOT read “SUPPORT JI” etc… it was a year ago, Dec 1, 2010, when I moved back to the States.

When I came back, I knew very little…  The only things I really knew were
…I had gone TO Australia in order to learn, absorb, and soak up everything I possibly could
…And my intention and heart’s desire was to take what I learned TO wherever I would end up
…God had gone before me, and I could trust His leading

What I didn’t know was
…Where I was supposed to be / land / end up (geographically speaking, of course)
…What I was going to do
…Where I was going to work or what kind of job(s) I would undertake in order to make a living
…And ultimately, where he was leading me.

So much of my heart was filled with uncertainty, and I remember that first month being so “gray” and “cloudy.”
I didn’t even know who to hang out with.  A lot happens in 3 & 1/2 years, and people move on with their lives.  But a lot happened in me that people here couldn’t or wouldn’t have experienced or quite understood.  And my closest friends were now either on the complete other side of the world or spread throughout the world.

I didn’t know who to call.  Typically, in previous years, I made it a point for when I would come home for the winter break each year, to see as many people as I possibly could during my month or 2 while I would be in the States.  And it was always filled with going to all my favorite places to eat… like OK Cafe, Chick Fil A, Harry & Sons… And being overly social for an entire month+!!! But this time, I knew I wasn’t going back in a month, so I had plenty of time to see people.  But that turned into sorta forgetting to tell some people I’d even moved back!!! (OOPS).

I knew I wanted to be at Passion City Church, because if there was one MAJOR thing that was ingrained DEEPLY in me during my time at Hillsong, it was the value and importance of being planted in the House and being planted in ONE local House.  And although I’d been around the Passion movement and conferences for over 10 years at this point, I was still new to the scene.  And even though some of my best friends attended PCC, I still felt so out of my element and out of place.

In fact, I didn’t even know who to sit with at church.  I didn’t even know what TIME I should roll up to church.
All of a sudden, there was no routine or role I was fulfilling.  Before moving abroad and during the time I was in Australia, I always had to be at church really early because of where I was rostered and where I was serving.  I also knew who I was going to sit with, who I would hang out with afterwards and throughout the week.  I had a fun part-time job waitressing.  I had assignments and classes.  And on weekends and throughout the week, I had a role or a purpose within the Creative team or at Team Night or at an extension service or at an extension youth service or at Sisterhood.

And while a role or position or job never became my identity, I had suddenly gone from a FULL schedule and FULL life of being completely immersed and involved in an incredible church and environment with friends from all corners of the world… to what was basically a blank slate and a new beginning.

Although initially, I just felt lost and had questions like…Did I make the right decision or am I where I am supposed to be or what do I do now or WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?! to even…Why did I leave everything here in the first place and make the move at all and ultimately… did I do the right thing?

When you’re in the middle of it, you can’t see as clearly.  Kinda like the feeling I have every morning before I put my contacts in or put my glasses on (after I find them, of course!!!)…

But all the while, God’s voice was so clear… that I was where He wanted me.  And that if I just stay rooted in HIM and seek HIM first, that everything else would, in fact “be added unto you.”

I used my love for fashion and accessories to have my own small jewelry business and gave voice lessons and helped out my parents at their Dunkin Donuts (but they were actually the ones helping ME by giving me some part-time work).  And in the famous words of Tim Gunn of Project Runway, I was going to “make it work.”  I resolved that I would do these things as long as it took or until I figure something else out.  It sometimes felt like I’d failed and was starting over the wrong way.

It wasn’t easy to come back to America or move back in with my family.  And I remember my first day of orientation at Hillsong College… our principal saying that we might face some initial culture shock but that we would probably face it more when we returned to our respective countries.  And we heard it multiple times throughout my years there, because every 6 months a new class would come in and another would graduate.  So I was prepared for that, and how true it turned out to be!!  So again, that first month back, I don’t even know what to make of that month.  I’ll call it my “funk” month.  I was applying to jobs here in Atlanta and New York and California and you name it.  And naturally, I had thought about heading up to Hillsong NY and visited on a weekend in December.  And while I wasn’t sure that Atlanta was the place for me again, I just never got that sense that I was to head up north either.  And I recalled the words of my UGA Wesley college pastor… that if you aren’t certain of where God is leading you yet, to just stay put, because often where God has you is where you need to be.  WISE WORDS, hey??

I can say that it is without a doubt that it is by God’s grace that I knew very early on… in early January, right in the middle of Passion 2011, that I was HOME.  And that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  I still had NO earthly idea what I was supposed to be “up to,” but I had such a tremendous joy and peace.  I also knew that God was up to something behind the scenes, as He always is.  And although it was months of working those 3 part-time jobs, living with my parents, having more time on my hands than I knew what to do with, it was also during those months that I hashed out just re-learning to be secure in HIM and not my position… in HIM and not my title… in HIM and not my job… in HIM and not how much I could afford or make… in HIM and not where I lived… in HIM and not whether I was singing every week… in HIM and not my gifts…

Eventually, on August 8, 2011, I started working full-time, and I look forward to coming into work every day & get to work alongside some of the most incredible men and women, who are committed to lifting up the name of Jesus.

So now, Dec 1, 2011…a year later, I’m so incredibly grateful for both the lessons learnt while overseas but also for this incredible transition year.  2011 was a year where I felt like EVERYTHING was new again… my first proper FALL in 4 yrs… my first college football game viewing and college football SEASON in 4 years… my first first proper 4th of July and Thanksgiving… etc etc etc…

And I’m so humbled and in awe of God’s goodness and what He has done already, but I’m even more excited for what is to come.  The Lord has done great things, but I know that greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done…

And in the lovely and famous and fun accented words of our beloved pastor Brian Houston, I know that “the best is yet to come!”

Cheers to America.  Cheers to the dirty dirty South.  Cheers to the city of Bieber’s discovery, the Atlanta Braves, the Atlanta Falcons, and the currently resting Atlanta Hawks .  Cheers to Coca-Cola and Chick Fil A.  Cheers to Delta and all your beautiful skymiles.  And cheers to you all.  It’s great to be alive, and it’s great to be HERE!!

xoxo.

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